Owning my own story

change Dec 13, 2018

My story is my own, not someone else's. My experience is mine and just because someone else, or many other people, have a different experience does not mean that my experience must conform to theirs.

A frequent refrain is that "you can't change your sexual orientation" and there are plenty of people who say they have tried to change it but cannot. Another statement oft repeated phrase is "if you don't act on your same-sex attraction, you aren't being true to yourself". Those who repeat the statement further imply that someone who experiences such attractions cannot be happy if they do not act on their attractions. There are plenty of people who say that is their experience.

Those stories are theirs, not mine. I am happy, and I have experienced change. Their experience does not negate mine.

I have found that how I experience same-sex attraction is directly tied to the story I tell myself about it - what it means, and what caused it. My story has changed, and with that change I have experienced change in my response to my feelings, how I approach them, and how I interpret them. In fact, my story has changed many times over the years, and my happiness and satisfaction has changed directly as a result of those stories. I explore these ideas in detail elsewhere on this blog.

Just because someone else or even many other people do not experience change and do not feel happy without having sex with someone of the same gender does not mean that I must necessarily feel the same way. Just because the people who talk most about their homosexuality generally agree that change is impossible does not mean that a similarly large group does not exist that has experienced change or does experience happiness without having sex with someone of the same gender. Just because someone else had bad experiences in therapy meant to help them change their sexual orientation does not mean that everyone does. Just because some specific therapies were harmful does not mean all are. Just because one person or many people had a bad experience with a specific therapy does not mean everyone will.

My experiences are my own. The experiences of others do not negate mine.